


Bloody Tosser

by Jacklyne



Series: How to Be an Average Wizarding Family: 101 [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/F, M/M, but ron is an even bigger one, malfoy is a tosser, the start of a friendship between the two tossers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-19
Updated: 2018-03-19
Packaged: 2019-04-04 09:07:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14016942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jacklyne/pseuds/Jacklyne
Summary: Ron can't stand how Malfoy goes around as if he isn't the biggest tosser in the world.And Malfoy, well, he just can't bring himself to care.





	Bloody Tosser

**Author's Note:**

> This is the most self-indulgent fic I've ever written lmao I am a sinner pls help. Also, I have no beta so point out any errors if y'all find any xoxo

“That bloody Tosser.”

Hermione shifted her gaze up from where she was reading _Darkest Days_  to her husband. She followed his heated stare across the room to ‘that bloody Tosser’ who was seated on the kitchen table.

Malfoy was rambling on to Molly passionately about his latest discovery, while she prepared their dinner. She paused to smile and nod every so often, earning a grin from him in response.

Harry had Auror work late into the night and, not wanting to leave Malfoy at home alone with their house elves who never quite had the time for the blonde’s long conversations, brought him to the Burrow. Molly and Hermione were more than happy to welcome him with open arms for dinner.

Ron, well, that was something else.

He hated the notion of Malfoy and his mother becoming close. However, since the two had met, they had immediately connected. Molly had indulged him in sweets and his favourite meals, while he showed his appreciation by scarfing everything down, followed by a happy hug.

“A growing boy such as yourself needs all the food he can get.” She had said once, smiling at Malfoy, who had just finished his lunch. Hermione recalled the loving smile on Harry’s face as he looked at the blonde, and the annoyance on her husband’s.

If looks had the same effect as hexes did, Malfoy would surely be long gone by now from the looks he had received from Ron that day. And also from the ones he was receiving now.

Ron’s back was stiff with his fists clenched at his sides, seemingly ready to grab the poor Malfoy boy and put him Merlin knows where.

“Did we really have to let him into the Burrow? He’ll eat us broke, he will.”

“Honestly, Ronald,” Hermione sighed. This had gone on for too long, and if she were honest, she found their 'rivalry' exhausting. “Don’t you think it’s time to see past your differences? Maybe have a change of heart and start anew?”

Ron stared at her, as if she had suggested something horribly offensive. He shook his head, practically fuming at the ears.

“I’ll never forget the time when he threw that blasted teacup at my head. Or you and Harry laughing like the bloody traitors you are.”

“Is that the only reason you're cross with him?”

Ron paused. His face turned red, and not out of anger, Hermione suspected.

“... No.”

Hermione sighed once more, turning back to her novel. If he was going to keep up with his antics despite Malfoy doing nothing but conversing, she wouldn't bother wasting her time with it.

“Look at him. Smiling at mum like he’s all… _Innocent_.” Ron spat the word, like Malfoy was anything but innocent.

She continued to read her novel. Horribly cheesy, but she didn't expect less from a muggle romance book. They were awfully addicting.

_“Fire burned sharp in his eyes as he stared down at the duo. Christopher knew that if he wanted her, he would have to fight for her.”_

“Merlin,” Hermione muttered under breath. She had read enough stories to know exactly where this plot was going.

“Bloody Hell, now he’s laughing! What gives him the right?! ‘Mione, do you hear the bastard?”

She did, in fact, hear the joyous laughter coming from the pair in the kitchen. She just wouldn’t let Ron know.

_“He followed Katherine to her car, watching as she drove aw-”._

And that was enough of that.

Hermione closed the book immediately. Why on Earth did muggles always find it sexy when a man had the characteristics of a stalker?

“‘Mione, we need to stop him. Now.”

Just as she was about to lecture him for being childish, Molly’s voice merrily rang out.

“Dinner time, loves!”

Hermione sat the book on the coffee table, sending Ron a warning glance before they made their way to the dining table together.

It was rather empty, Hermione noted when they had all sat down. She stared at Malfoy, who had moved from sitting on the table to an actual chair. She couldn’t help the smile from creeping onto her face at his excited gleam at the prospect of another meal. He was quite likely the cutest sight she had ever lain her eyes on.

Perhaps that was why Molly had grown fond of Malfoy. With all her children grown up and moving on with their lives, Malfoy had been some sort of a son to her. Even Ron and Hermione couldn’t quite curb the loneliness she was sure Molly felt when her family would leave early in the mornings to go about their days.

Noticing her stare, Malfoy smiled and waved at her. She waved back, giggling.

“Ugh,” Ron huffed, sitting on the other end of the table from Malfoy. “Malfoy.”

“Stop that,” Molly lectured as she placed the steaming pots on the table. She left them open for Hermione and Ron to serve themselves. However, she piled food onto Malfoy’s plate, blowing on it to cool it down.

This aggravated Ron even more.

“Mum! Do you really have to do that? He can do it himself, can’t you, Malfoy?” Ron asked with a glare.

Malfoy blinked and then giggled at the glare, uncaring.

“Ronald, please. He’s a few months short of  _one_ year old, he doesn’t care for your petty little grudge.” Hermione rolled her eyes, spooning pasta on her plate.

As if to prove her point Scorpius blew a loud raspberry straight at Ron, clapping his hands when the man sputtered in disbelief.

“Wha- He- Ugh! I told Harry that he should’ve been the biological father! But _noo_ , he let the ferret use his sperm.”

Scorpius babbled and slapped his hands down into his mashed potatoes as Hermione and Molly turned on Ron.

“Ron!” The two women shouted in unison with different levels of horror and anger.

“ _Ron_!” A higher pitched, cheerier voice called out.

They all turned to stare and Scorpius who clapped over and over, spreading food around his plate.

“Ron Ron Ron!” He chanted, flashing them all a gummy grin.

Hermione groaned into her hands when she saw the slow smirk forming on her husband’s lips.

Dear Lord, help them all.

* * *

That evening, Draco had flooed over after his Healer shift. He rubbed noses with Scorpius, holding him tightly in his arms.

“Thank you again for watching Scorpius for us,” He said sincerely to the three of them, “It really means a lot. We owe you all a dinner.”

“It’s not a problem, you owe us nothing of the sort.” Molly replied, “Scorpius isn't anything less of an angel.”

“Is that right?” Draco asked with a laugh. “Who’s a little angel?” He cooed at Scorpius.

Scorpius giggled loudly.

“Ron!”

Hermione saw Draco’s face pale (if that were even possible).

“Ron?” Draco repeated in disbelief. She could hear Ron snort from beside her, attempting to muffle the sounds of his laughter.

“Ron! Ron Ron Ron!” Scorpius repeated, over and over.

That set Ron over the edge, and the red haired man doubled over in loud obnoxious laughter.

Draco gritted his teeth.

“That's his first word, you bloody Tosser!”

“ _Ron_!"


End file.
